July 2005

Nothing much today as well. Was feeling so sleepy in office, I nearly slept for half the office time! Dum dum is finally doing some work in there. Both (Mama & Dum dum) kept criticizing each other. Mama got seriously pained after his comp was taken away, during his week long absence. In the afternoon i made few graphs of the mechanism, the design is finally getting some concrete shape. The initial days were confusing but now i get the feel of what i do. Out of blues the prof mailed back!! He is ready to meet us, and opera is worried about all these! He was refused the last time he approached, so his worries are justified. Can’t write more I need to submit second robotics problem in few days,the core is up on me now!!

Today was the day Dum dum worked right from the word go. He really put lot of fight for the excel documents but all his happiness ,of the day’s work, were shattered when Mama found that he was working on the wrong aspect of design, he was supposed to vary the gear ratio instead of thickness!!!

A normal Sunday. Called up home today but didn’t tell them about the job offer. I know they will ask me not to take such a offer, they expect much more of me rather than a job after iit. Expectations increase as success keep coming. I wonder how my mother would have reacted, to this job, if i was not in an iit. Things were not as easy for me few years ago. I was so ashamed of not qualifying the JEE, in my first attempt, and so was my mother. I still remember how she used to protect my failure, for her we are still inferior as compared to other relatives of ours the reasons- me and my brother’s education in not so good schools, well that’s because we were never in big cities,Ramgarh and Hazaribagh are just towns and in Jamshedpur we didn’t get because of there were no vacancies in those so called hi-fi schools. Well the seeds of this inferiority complex were sown long before, my Grandfather deiced to stay back in Biharshareef so my uncles and mother were educated in Hindi medium schools as compared to the convent education of my mother’s cousins. But Alhamdullilah they were finally able to get admitted in AMU and that opened new vistas of opportunities, and successes immediately followed. So my mother laid greater importance on our education and especially speaking English. Even think in English!! because that’s what she was told my her those conventerian friends and cousins. One of the major reasons of my shyness was my family’s contact with a distant uncle of mine. They were rich and thus were a part of high class, you know those kitty parties, apartment life and hi-fi standard of living. Me and my brother were treated like under-privileged kids. We regarded many of their basic amenities as luxuries! Thats where i developed self-restraint which had a major role to play in contributing towards my shyness. They often made fun us, one such incident is still fresh in my mind - I was eating oranges but accidentally ate some seeds so i took the the piece out of my mouth, removed the seeds and then again put that back in my mouth “oh my god!”, was the immediate reaction “how dirty, doesn’t have any manners to eat”, I have no idea what manners were they accepting of a 6 years old. I felt bad but was quiet. Their style of living had a Strong impact on my parents. My mother even trimmed her hair and was slowly adopting her style. Thats all cannot write more.
Ooo i want to forget all these and just live a life free of such cheap show-offs. ‘S’ are you listening. I just wanna go away from all these, just settle somewhere far off. I can only hope.

Didn’t go to office today, hoping to find some research papers or some literature on mechanism. Nothing came out so i ended with wasting the whole day. Dum dum gave his birthday treat in the evening.Saturday evenings have always been so relaxing for me. Decided to watch Love Actually again, it has many parallel love stories going on simultaneously. Its about people with different flavours of love and how they met their fiance. The most interesting among them was the relationship between an Englishman and a Portuguese girl, they didn’t understand even a word of each other but still fell in love. You see love cannot depend on someone’s smartness or how well someone speaks, if it would have been the case then all the handsome guys would never be single :). It all depends upon the understanding, the ability to suppress one’s desires and sacrifices. S are you listening. I often wonder how will i meet you. If everything goes on well and it all boils down to proposing, I don’t think i can you have to take the crucial step my dear. The only reason I can’t because i fear refusal and i have got no idea how crazy i will go after that. It will take a hell lot of time to recover and even if I, i cannot completely forget about it.