2 youngsters, in their late 40s, walk into the control room.

Youngster 1: Dude, will Air India fly today? How will they convince the air hostesses that their make-up won’t fade away because of the drizzle and moisture?

Youngster 2: No idea. I suppose they will wait till the drizzle has completely stopped and the humidity level has reached 60%. It’s 95% now.

The big humidity meter, hung on the central wall, was slowly showing signs of a decrease.

Youngster 2: Dude, what time is it?

Youngster 1: Wait, let me ask the Jet Airways gals. We don’t even have watches..hehe

Meanwhile in the Air India air hostess’s (AH) dressing room

AH 1: We just have 1 hour to get our make-ups on. Why can’t they recruit younger air hostesses? I am fed with this long exercise of applying lotions, powders and all this after an hour long facial.

AH 2: And what will you do? Clean plates or replace those dudes at the information desk in the waiting lounge who cannot even afford a wrist watch!

“How long will aunties take to dress up! We have been waiting for more than 3 hours now. This kind of negligence will push us to shun Air India. Even the low cost airlines are punctual about the timings!”

A faint voice from the corridor, just outside the room labelled ‘Girl’s Room (GR)’.

AH 3: Gals. Any idea about the meter reading? I am afraid I have to leave immediately or else the angry crowd will enter our GR and take us away on the flight.

AH 2: Oh my God! It must be terrible for you then. We cannot even venture out of our safe heaven to the control room. These rowdy passengers! I head someone calling us aunty!! It seems like the kingfisher gals have raised the expectation of these passengers.

The loudspeaker at the GR comes to life.

“Ladies be ready for AI 535 departure. We are extremely pressed for its departure and this means you have to venture out at humidity level of 87%. We have taken care of your transit to the plane through the escape route. Please don’t even think of taking the main door.”

Meanwhile at the control room

Youngster 1: Dude. Lets go to the washroom. Do you have a pencil?

Youngster 2: Why?

Youngster 1: Do you have it or not?

The Manager walks in.

Manager: Dudes! What are you doing here! You should be at the information desk in the waiting lounge. Now rush. It’s never too late.

The 2 youngsters leave the control room. Youngster 1 goes to the washroom on the way. The door of the washroom looks something like this-

Few contents have been erased because of the obvious reasons.

And this story repeats each day.

PS- This is just a fictional story based on my ordeal at the Chennai airport. AI staff, please don’t feel offended…we need to laugh to suppress our anger.

Click the image to enlarge. I found this menu card in a road side restaurant near Patiala.

It was all decided. I had planned weeks in advance. Bollywood has taught me that to win hearts you need just an opportunity and that can either make or ruin your career. My life has been an boring affair so far on the fairer sex front. Frustrated at my parent’s repeated refusals, on being reminded that unka beta jawan ho gaya hai aur haath peele karne me hi sab ki bhalai hai, i decided to take things in my hands. So my target was to get ‘an’ opportunity to impress Miss Prospective’s patent. As expectedly, I am the hero of this story. Just for your information, i could have had a very successful modeling career but the only problem was that my last name is not khan.

Before i lay down my master plan let me first correct a very grave historical mistake. The spelling of Ahmed has become so common that people take it for granted. They don’t realise that the actual spelling is Ahmad. My credit card, debit card and many other documents have the spelling mistake, the excuse is the same, ‘human error’ ! My day started with my email account being deleted because they finally took action on the yet another human error in my company. Anyway I was in a hurry because I had a train, flight and yet another flight to catch.

The plan goes like this: Miss Prospective’s parents were going to Chennai to meet someone. Having spend 5 long years in Chennai, I consider myself an expert in the demographics of the city. I would like to tell you that I just learnt 2 words in Tamil during my stay, Tamil Teriyade (I don’t know Tamil)…anyways. I decided to book the same flight as they were planning to take. Miss Prospective provided me the details. Thankfully the airline was Air Deccan, cheap and worst. But there is one thing that made Air Deccan my dream airline was the fact that they don’t allot seat numbers while making the boarding pass…its like a ‘chair’ lutoo competition once passengers board the flight. I planned to start a small talk with them. Basically let them know me well and make them realise that he is THE guy for our daughter! I would have impressed them with my knowledge of Chennai and perhaps I will throw few words to the taxi drivers in Tamil. It was a simple plan but something that is possible only in movies. But why only heroes get the heroines? Why can’t I be a hero? These thoughts ran through me as I boarded the taxi to the Airport.

I reached well in advance so as to find my target couple. It was pretty easy because I got details of the dress they were wearing that day. And after that maine unka peecha aise kiya jaise parchaye eek insaan ka peecha karte hai. I was behind them while boarding the plane so it was easy for me to get the seat next to them. I am pathetic at starting a conversation but I had to because my life was at stake-

You know what?

What?

I want to marry your daughter!

Sharique! wake up..talk to them.

With all the courage I could gather, I wished them. What an achievement!!

Still no signs of interest so I had to do what a hero does in such events.

Me: So you are going to Chennai?

Father: I think its a non-stop flight.

Me: Phew! I am such an idiot. No. But I think this flight will go to Pondicherry after Chennai.

Mother: Are you from Chennai? Actually we need to go to Roypettah. Any idea about taxi service to that place?

Me: No..No. I am from Patna. I did my graduation from Chennai so I am well acquainted with the city. There are lot of taxis that will take you to Roypettah.

Play the IIT card, idiot! (Normally I would just say engineering from Chennai but I had to flaunt because I am now the hero and my heroine was just a matter of few sentences away)

I did my engineering from IIT Madras.

No response. Perhaps they don’t know about the IIT. Dear Sasur jee, why don’t you ask me questions? I have heard that you deal in pumps. I can throw in my expertise on the topic.

Father: Everyone is doing IT these days. Software seems to have become the choice of youth.

Wonderful!!

Next 15 minutes pass without a word. I am getting restless. Eager to strike any damn conversation but how do you speak from a trembling tongue? Air hostess arrives with the trolley from Qatar Airways, yes Qatar Airways!

Me: Excuse me mam. What damn flight is this?

Air hostess: Air Deccan to Chennai.

Me: Cool. Sorry I got confused with this Qatar Airways trolley.

Air hostess: Oh, we have borrowed this flight from Qatar Airways. It was a private flight of a prince before. We got seats pinned at every nook and corner.

This tragedy (personal catastrophe) will continue…..

Source

Source

What about output? This is what I call typical Indian mentality.