There is a All India Eunuchs’ convention being organized in the most likely places of their occurrence, Ahmedabad.
Please spread this news , especially to NGOs (Narender Governed Organizations), so that others can benefit from it.
I wholeheartedly support and endorse this convention. This is the first time a gathering of this special class of human is being organized. I have so much respect for eunuchs who spend their whole life extorting men of their money. I have lot of sweet memories of them while travelling by train.
Everyone these days seems to be demanding reservations. First the Sachar committee’s report prompted Muslim MPs to demand IITs and IIMs exclusively for the Muslim community. And now the latest National Sample Survey Organisation’s (NSSO) data says Christians, the most educated religious community, top the list of the unemployed in the country. So now Christians too will demand a share in the reservations. Women reservation in the parliament is an old issue.
So why do people demand reservations? Because they are incapable of achieving things on their own because of social, political,physical or mental issues. Did I just say mental? Oh yes! If you observe around then the hottest girls are with dudes who are tall, dark and handsome. What do the geeks get? Perhaps the only place geeks find attractive women is on the CW TV’s Beauty and the Geek show. People like Arjun Rampal have all the fun with girls (His latest movie ‘I See You‘ should be called ‘I.C.U’–>Intensive Care Unit, one of the most pathetic comedies I have seen after Naksha) just because he is good looking with absolutely no intelligent of his own. What about a guy like me whose present relationship status stands at two and a half, all one sided by the way,(half because one of my ex was managing me with someone else)? No one cannot even imagine the gush of jealous liquid that used to pump within me when my girl friends used to jump up and down at Salman Khan’s posters or even at a smart dude sitting next to us, who in most cases was the next boy friend of my ex girl friends. Just because I am not smart, I don’t get the best of girls around? I had no say in my make. I was born this way. Can’t I love someone beautiful or I am doomed to marry someone Rampal won’t even keeping as his cook?
Same is the case with geeks whom women don’t prefer because they lack social skills. In many cases people who are not smart or geeks end up ruining their lives because of lack of feminine love. Many stay single and end up ruining neighbour’s life. What percentage of men are handsome? May be 5-10 %. What percentage of women are beautiful? May be 80%. See the disparity? Those 5-10% get to keep 80%!
Considering these facts and figures I demand reservations of geeks and non-handsome people
1. At least 30% of the beautiful girls should be in a faithful relationship with geeks and non-handsome people. If a smart dude tries to take these girls away then it should be considered a crime against the dude and similarly against the girl if she voluntarily sways away.
2. There should be competition for geeks and non-handsome so as to qualify for this benefit.
3. There is a famous saying in engineering colleges that goes like, “99% of the girls are beautiful and the rest are in my college”. Considering this I demand forced admission of at least 25% of the beautiful girls in these colleges. These girls should be admitted without competitive exams. They should also be helped, throughout their academic career, with question papers plus solutions at least a week in advance.
If the government fails to take these steps then this might very well be on cards.
If the demands are not met then the imbalance that would result because of the above disparity might bring unimaginable suffering to this planet.
Image courtesy- http://life.typepad.com/ and www.myspaceantics.com
Finally a Nokia phone which has a feature which the iPhone doesn’t have. The built in shaver is something unique in the cell phone world. It offers felixibiliy to the professionals who hardly find time to shave. The built in shaver can trim hair of all varities.
Future releases of this phone might include electronic brushes and combs. Iron boxes in cell phones might also be a challenging add-on. iPhone is in for some tough fight from its competitors.
I am pissed off at the attitude of Indian players towards training. The most important factor responsible for team India’s shameful exit is the self-conceit each player is overwhelmed with. Let me begin with Sachin
1. He rarely finds time for practice as he is busy with advertisement. The directors even chase him down to the training ground where he performs in breaks during training. Know why he keeps adjusting his pelvic guard incessantly during batting? Well he once appeared for diaper advertisement but forgot to take it off for the entire day. This caused rashes to develop in and around his pelvic area which no ‘Etch guard’ could remove so far. Poor guy has to suffer his entire life for that malfunctioning diaper.
He never lets me touch his MRF bat. He never takes advices on batting as he considers himself the all mighty of cricket. Above all he disparages me for me being an Aussie! And I also suspect that he is too emotional for my enemy from Kolkata, about whom I will write shortly.
2. Yuvraj- Well he is another poster boy of the MNCs ranging from bikes to clothes. Too egoistic because of his smartness and agility on the field. He always has a nice time on tours because of his female fans. I have developed jealousy because of this fan following. At times girls crowd around him to take autographs and I get only their moms! I deserve more than those big bellied sari clad aunties.
He too is a no docile. He even threatens that if I dare step in Chandigarh then his associates will beat the hell out of me so I better stop teaching him how to field or bat.
3. Sehwag- I have told him so many times that he should see the ball before hitting it. You cannot hit a yorker for a six but it seems he is too influenced by an Indian game gilli-danda where in you get only full toses. I wish I could give him a bat as thick at the wickets so that he can hit every ball with his gifted power. He has a dream of hitting the ball for a six over the wicket keeper’s head, basically facing the wicket keeper while the bowl is being bowled and just tossing it in the air. He is willing to learn but then I cannot teach a gilli-danda man how to bat.
4. Dhoni- He has a dream to appear for the advertisement of Pantene Pro V so he is particular about his hairs growing big. He even dies them with colours according to the country he is in. He is another girl favourite. He knows a lot about girls of different variety, which is a surprise to me as he comes from the jungles of Jharkhand where people are very close to nature in their dressing sense. He tells me that nomadic girls are far more sexier than the present day chicks. I plan to spend my life after retirement in those jungles exploring the complexities of these girls.
He would ideally hold the bat with his right hand over his left but just to keep the accepted cricket practice alive he doesn’t do that. He has a future as a wicket-keep cum batsman. He is my favourite in the team because he shares his female fans with me.
5. Dravid- Even though he is smart, he is not even concerned about the females falling for him. Yuvraj’s company has made him a bit interested in girls. Plus he wanted to shun away rumours that he is a part of the gay club in the team so he sometimes poses with girls.
Wonderful captain. In short the right guy in the wrong team.
6. Ganguly- Well I have nothing more to say because he has already washed the dirty linen in public. The prince of Calcutta has now grown old and he should retire. He should be careful in his personal life though, rumours of his affair with Nagma reminds of poor Azharuddin. I wonder why every Indian captain indulges in extra-marital affairs. Perhaps selectors should select someone from the gay club.
And now the gay club. I cannot disclose members of this club as its not legal in India. Few members of the team are indeed different and they have every right to be different. I support this club for lot of reasons-
they can stay in single so the hotel charges are low
they are mentally the most satisfied in the team as they don’t have to depend on outsiders to quench their thirst (as few members go looking for company as soon as we land)
 constipation can drain anyone of energy but this group doesn’t suffers from that so they are physically fit all the time
they have a nice time every time we win a match (the first ones to hug each other are necessarily members of this club) but at times it becomes a problem (when a non-member hugs a member)
Please advice me on this issue. Should I continue or retire to the jungles on Jharkhand?
Disclaimer- If you cannot take humour then please close this page. Please don’t shower me with emails that you intend to take legal action against me. (Especially the ones who did on my previous post)
