I am pissed off at the attitude of Indian players towards training. The most important factor responsible for team India’s shameful exit is the self-conceit each player is overwhelmed with. Let me begin with Sachin

1. He rarely finds time for practice as he is busy with advertisement. The directors even chase him down to the training ground where he performs in breaks during training. Know why he keeps adjusting his pelvic guard incessantly during batting? Well he once appeared for diaper advertisement but forgot to take it off for the entire day. This caused rashes to develop in and around his pelvic area which no ‘Etch guard’ could remove so far. Poor guy has to suffer his entire life for that malfunctioning diaper.

He never lets me touch his MRF bat. He never takes advices on batting as he considers himself the all mighty of cricket. Above all he disparages me for me being an Aussie! And I also suspect that he is too emotional for my enemy from Kolkata, about whom I will write shortly.

2. Yuvraj- Well he is another poster boy of the MNCs ranging from bikes to clothes. Too egoistic because of his smartness and agility on the field. He always has a nice time on tours because of his female fans. I have developed jealousy because of this fan following. At times girls crowd around him to take autographs and I get only their moms! I deserve more than those big bellied sari clad aunties.

He too is a no docile. He even threatens that if I dare step in Chandigarh then his associates will beat the hell out of me so I better stop teaching him how to field or bat.

3. Sehwag- I have told him so many times that he should see the ball before hitting it. You cannot hit a yorker for a six but it seems he is too influenced by an Indian game gilli-danda where in you get only full toses. I wish I could give him a bat as thick at the wickets so that he can hit every ball with his gifted power. He has a dream of hitting the ball for a six over the wicket keeper’s head, basically facing the wicket keeper while the bowl is being bowled and just tossing it in the air. He is willing to learn but then I cannot teach a gilli-danda man how to bat.

4. Dhoni- He has a dream to appear for the advertisement of Pantene Pro V so he is particular about his hairs growing big. He even dies them with colours according to the country he is in. He is another girl favourite. He knows a lot about girls of different variety, which is a surprise to me as he comes from the jungles of Jharkhand where people are very close to nature in their dressing sense. He tells me that nomadic girls are far more sexier than the present day chicks. I plan to spend my life after retirement in those jungles exploring the complexities of these girls.

He would ideally hold the bat with his right hand over his left but just to keep the accepted cricket practice alive he doesn’t do that. He has a future as a wicket-keep cum batsman. He is my favourite in the team because he shares his female fans with me.

5. Dravid- Even though he is smart, he is not even concerned about the females falling for him. Yuvraj’s company has made him a bit interested in girls. Plus he wanted to shun away rumours that he is a part of the gay club in the team so he sometimes poses with girls.

Wonderful captain. In short the right guy in the wrong team.

6. Ganguly- Well I have nothing more to say because he has already washed the dirty linen in public. The prince of Calcutta has now grown old and he should retire. He should be careful in his personal life though, rumours of his affair with Nagma reminds of poor Azharuddin. I wonder why every Indian captain indulges in extra-marital affairs. Perhaps selectors should select someone from the gay club.

And now the gay club. I cannot disclose members of this club as its not legal in India. Few members of the team are indeed different and they have every right to be different. I support this club for lot of reasons-

• they can stay in single so the hotel charges are low
• they are mentally the most satisfied in the team as they don’t have to depend on outsiders to quench their thirst (as few members go looking for company as soon as we land)
•  constipation can drain anyone of energy but this group doesn’t suffers from that so they are physically fit all the time
• they have a nice time every time we win a match (the first ones to hug each other are necessarily members of this club) but at times it becomes a problem (when a non-member hugs a member)

Please advice me on this issue. Should I continue or retire to the jungles on Jharkhand?

Disclaimer- If you cannot take humour then please close this page. Please don’t shower me with emails that you intend to take legal action against me. (Especially the ones who did on my previous post)

First let me apologize for the dismal performance of the team at the World Cup. We take full responsibility of the defeat. We understand your frustration at the team’s exit in the first round and especially at the loss to Bangladesh but you see we had no option. The loss to Bangladesh was planned because the Indian Government struck a deal with the Bangladesh that if it allows its team to lose this match then the illegal Bangladeshi immigrants,spread across length and breadth of India, would be accepted back. Plus there was lot of pressure from the ICC to make Bangladesh win as it has been so many years since it was granted test status.

The loss to Sri Lanka was to ensure that Bangladesh qualify for the super 8. We understand the humiliation at losing to Bangladesh but imagine the economic advantage that India stands to gain after these immigrants are taken back. We are patriots and we believe in sacrifice of our beloved things for the betterment of the country as a whole. Actually the government was really concerned about the human rights violation of these immigrants stationed in West Bengal, especially after Nandigram incident, so our PM made special request to the team to leave their private desires and sacrifice for the good of the country.

We also have some good news for you all. World Cup 2011 has been awarded to India! It will be a Indo-Pak final at the Eden Gardens. (The official sale of tickets begin in 2010 but you can book in advance through our back channel). Just to avenge the setback to our egos, India will play Bangladesh in Dhaka and defeat it by a margin of 200+ runs.

We are highly committed in making the World Cup win in 2011 genuine, so here is the masterplan-

1. Sachin will stay till 2011. We are planning to burden him again with the captaincy.

2. Rakhi Sawant will be our team ambassador. With her bouncers, she is incharge of ensuring the defeat of the mighty Australians. We might also hire Mallika Sherawat to handle other teams.

3. Ads which were made for the world cup 2007 will be regularly shown to the team so as to keep their morale high.

4. Saurav Ganguly will be our new physiotherapist. This is to ensure that there are no protest rallies in West Bengal and the communist continue their support to the central government.

5. Other details like the coach and team composition will be decided will time. We are looking at the option of Nayan Mongia taking charge as the coach of the team. No more foreign coaches as they keep creating feud among different regions of the country. We want a desi coach who understands the Indian psyche. Plus we are really running short of cash because of early world cup exit, the government has promised to compensate but it will take a minimum 5 years for the government to accumulate the huge loss we have incurred, so an internal coach will suit our bill.

Till 2011 keep watching cricket! Please be our support in these times of distress. Lets share this sadness so as to console each other. In the meantime feel free to show off your skills

Yours and only yours,

The BCCI.

Picture for the TOI

As far as I can remember the news about the Godhra incident starting flashing in the morning of February 27th. It was a period when the news channels were slowly coming up. Aaj Tak was growing great guns and so were Star News and Zee News. Doordarshan, government run channel, was pushed to the background by the private channels so that meant there were no censors in the news items. It was left to the discretion of the dudes from US/UK to decide what’s best for us. Aaj Tak got all the publicity because it was marketed as India’s own channel. So our own Aaj Tak started flashing images from the train carnage uncensored. The blame was put on Muslims as they fell to the taunts of the returning Kar Sewaks and eventually burnt the train. My first reaction to the news was my utter shock at this inhuman punishment meted out after slightest of provocations. Even though independent fact finding teams have refuted this earlier claim and label it is a part of larger conspiracy of the state government, I am not getting into conspiracy theories.

We still had the same BPL TV but had shifted to Hazaribagh. I was 19 and was busy preparing for IIT-JEE. My brother had his final exams starting in few days so we couldn’t have taken the risk for an excursion. Most surprisingly my paranoid mom was totally not concerned about the gravity of the situation; she just rubbished the news as yet another case of religious fundamentalism by the Muslims. Situation had changed by 2002 as Muslim terrorism was on rise, it had moved out of Kashmir and such incidents were on the rise. I think this could have been the reason for her not reacting as she did during Barbri Masjid demolition. No one anticipated the kind of barbarism that was to follow.

We all had our eyes fixed to the TV set as that was the only source of news. As news of mob rioting started to come in, my parents started showing signs of concern. The nearest Muslim dominated area was a couple of miles away and this was decided to be our abode if riots break out in our locality. We lived in a central government maintained colony as my father occupied a high position in the central electricity department. We were so intermingled with our neighbours that any such reaction could never  have been imagined in the wildest our dreams. We used to visit each other’s place on Holi and Eids. We had so many invitations on Holi/Diwali that my father used to have a tough time managing his commitments. Everyone from our driver to housemaid, who were all hindus, were already a part of our lives. Our old driver ‘Muni Singh’ was much more than a driver to us. He was the driver who drove my mom to the nearest hospital, which was 100 kms away!, when this ‘sensitive boy’ came to this earth. Could he come now to burn us alive?

We were overwhelmed by the response we got from our neighbours (there were just 3 muslim families in the colony). We were assured of our security in case rioters take to the streets. Hooligans were already preparing for a treat but the elders calmed them down. Its usually the junk of the society who takes to rioting; people who are jobless as this offers them a perfect opportunity to vent out their anger. Ever wonder why women suffer the most? Its because those perverts get an opportunity to convert their sexual fantasies to reality. Who is going to stop them and particularly when the state police is with them.

And then the inevitable happened. An ex-MP of congress, Ehsan Jaferry, was burnt alive with his family. His wife and other members survived because they managed to hide. This came as a big shock to us and definitely a cause of worry as we were also in a similar position as they were in. I really can’t think of the reason because of which we decided to stay back. May be because of assurances and the fact that riots didn’t start in our town. Thankfully there were no major incidents of riots elsewhere in the country. This image to the left was the most highlighted at that time. He is a tailor who ran away from Ahmedabad to Calcutta. This image was shot in Calcutta but notice the fear in his eyes and expectedly so! There were men being burned live in front of women and children. Women being raped in front of their children. I cannot even imagine the kind of mental trauma it would have generated in my mind.

The riots lasted nearly a month. TV images of ground realities melted our hearts. My hatred for the Sangh Parivar grew beyond bounds. I never spoke out a word against them to my friends but still the tension during the talks was apparent. A fanatic even called once to express his pleasure at Muslims being butchered, he termed that as revenge. All these incidents left me with no hope of surviving in this country. The child within me was dead long back and I was about to kill the youth in me. If Muslims in India are destined to this then there is no point in whining to the government. Can’t we have our own army? Why are those morons at the OIC quiet? The repeated riots have shown that the Indian government can’t protect us. India was slowly becoming alien to me. All these cynicism at just being a spectator to the riots on TV, imagine how prejudiced someone actually effected would be!

The last part of this series will talk about this prejudiced mindset among Hindu and Muslim youth.

The demographics are completely different in Bihar, my home state. Biharis are completely against Bengalis and this animosity has triggered riots several times. Basically this animosity is fueled by lack of education among local Biharis, which leads to unemployment among the locals, and thus Bengali, being highly educated, dominate the job market.

Even though some of my best friends in school happen to be Hindus, I never talked to them about this controversial issue. I even thought that they, being children and definitely not as sensitive as me, would pay no heed to these frivolous, in their eyes, happenings around them. The period between 1992 and 2002 has been peaceful as no major riot broke out in the country. There few minor incidents; I was in my hometown Biharshareef. We were returning from Friday prayer and suddenly we could see stones flying all around us, we were under attack from the local Hindus who were angry at some political issue. It was scary. Few stones even hit me but we were still running. Within few minutes there was cross-pelting of the stones from the Muslims and things were then even. Police soon dropped in, thanks to Laloo’s able administration as far as containment of riots are concerned, to bring the situation under control. Such sporadic incidents plagued the country for years before 2002.

I left home after my 10th for a better school, which meant I had to live alone away from home for the first time in my life. And there I met a Hindu family which I will remember all my life for the care and affection they bestowed on me. I hate to categorize people based on their religion but as I am dealing with this cancer then I have to, sorry about that. One night few RSS workers came to my room, unaware that I am a Muslim, to distribute pamphlets for one of their gatherings in the city. I quietly listened to them and even let them paste one of their banners on the window pane. I wasn’t scared but wondered how they would have reacted if I told them that I am a Muslim. In the morning I saw uncle scrubbing off the banner from the window pane. My respect grew multi-folds for him. During my 2 years of stay there, I was known by the name ‘sunny’ and not my real name for obvious reasons.

I always tried to put aside this communal feeling and the tense atmosphere I was growing under because it would have further caused prejudice in my mind.  At times I used to feel victimized at being a Muslim in India. But those scars of 1992 were erased, at least from my mind, in the coming years. 

I will next talk about the Gujarat riots.

Everyone’s eyes were fixed to the BPL TV which we bought few months ago. We had the extra ordinary comfort of electricity supply for 24X7 free as my father is in the central electricity department but still that day extra care was taken to shut the lights off in other rooms. 4 of us were sitting in the room with my father looking through the Railway schedule. Finally news dropped in at around 8 in the night that Babri Masjid has been brought down. DD even showed images from the site where Kar Sewaks were on the top of the dome with their weapons, few ‘bad leaders’ claiming victory for Hindus and also calling it just a beginning. So that meant even the Mosque in Kashi and Benras were under threat.

My mom then told us that we are leaving for Puri tomorrow morning. We lived in area where these Kar Sewaks could easily walk in our house and take that BPL TV. Plus my mom told us later that the area on the other side of the Tube factory was cleansed of Muslim population in riots of 1979. Next day reports came in of riots breaking out in many parts of country. My school was closed so that meant I didn’t have to make excuses when it reopens. We left for Puri in the evening only to return back when the riots in the other parts of the country have calmed down. Why Puri? Well its a city of temples and there are few local Muslims! We had a nice trip roaming from one temple to another in the city tour sponsored by hotel we checked into. Our BPL TV was still there and things returned to normalcy in few weeks.

Being a sensitive child I learned a lot from the experience-

1. Names like Honey and Sunny don’t reveal one’s religion (this is what we were called on the trip to Puri)

2. There is someone called Mr. Togadia who hates Muslims more than he would have hated his girl friend after being ditched by her.

3. Muslims aren’t safe in India. They can be killed at will. Women can be made to lose there purity and most horrifically even the child in the womb of a pregnant women isn’t safe.

4. People can go to any extreme to impose their ideology on non-believers.

5. Congress cannot protect the rights of Muslims. (Late Shri P V Narshima Rao is soon to be a hated man among Muslims. No one celebrated when he died but no one expressed his sympathies either)

6. Muslims in India are aliens as we came to India via the lineage of Babar and hence our cleansing is as prerequisite as was that of the British to establish India as a world power to reckon with.

7. We have 60 or so Muslim nations so why do need India to live!

I slowly started feeling grown up. Suddenly the whole world seemed to be an entirely different place to me, it was now divided into compartments of Hindus and Muslims. Even though nothing happened at school but I occasionally heard conversations, of seniors, in which the riots were being discussed. I never said a word when I used to hear someone’s happiness at the Babri Masjid being destroyed but just swallowed this bitter pill without disturbing the lines on my face.

To be continued….

[Inspired by the movie 'Black Friday', review here ]

Reuters

Once again the agents of terror have carried a horrendous act of killing innocent people. 64 people have died in the blast that burnt down 2 bogies of Samjahuata Express, the faint symbol of peace between India & Pakistan.

Dear Terrorist bhahiya,

I wonder why do you guys indulge in such acts of inhuman killing of innocent souls who don’t even have a remotest of link to the tension that prevails between the 2 nations. What pleasure you derive from the loss of human lives? Do you like red colour of the blood? Even if you then it doesn’t imply that you keep seeing the natural occurring red coloured fluid so often. I understand your frustration at not being able to get your dictat implemented and trust me I have a master plan that will give to eternal peace. My master plan is the solution of all your woes and frustrations.

Well before I begin let me introduce you to a class of mankind that has similar motives as yours and directly responsible for all your woes. They are called ‘politicians’. They don’t directly indulge in murdering of mankind but indirectly they have killed far more innocent souls than you would have imagined in wildest of your dreams. They are responsible for all the malice you see around the world. They manipulate rules so as to get their job done and in the process putting lives of millions in peril. They have ruled this world for far too long now.

Ok, enough of introduction..I know you guys believe in action rather than just words so lets straight get down to business. My master plan includes this

1. First stage includes preparation of list of people from both India & Pakistan who are either politicians, fascists or your biradri terror merchants..oops..sorry..freedom fighters. Please don’t kill me for this mistake which is, I understand, a very very disparaging act of this idiotic soul. But I am sure you would have realised by now that my mental level is kind of low.

2. Dissolve the current Indo-Pak divide; all those gora forced divides like the Sir Creek line will be erased. So basically we have now restored the original form of India that existed stretching from Kanyakumari to Baluchistan.

The next few points won’t exactly please you so please keep yours guns away or else you will shoot the costing-a-fortune iMac you have.

3. Ok lets face it; You are not getting Kashmir! Hold on..please try to understand my logic….calm down….no need to hurt yourself or your comrades. See this is a deal; all those who got short listed in step 1 will be sent to areas near Afghanistan so it will kind of include half the present day Pakistan, I am sorry that’s all I can give you people to express love and live in perfect harmony.

4. All those you are not in the elite list will be sent to other part of the divide. I know this is a long process because politicians and fascists needs to be shifted even places like Tamil Nadu. Places like Bihar, UP & Gujarat will be tough because of the extremely lage number of people who will be short listed but don’t worry at least we don’t have Bangladesh!

5. Ok now after the transfer is complete you will be with people who don’t look like you but are more inhuman than you from the inside. We shall give you all the arms and ammunition that are available with the 2 countries but I am extremely sorry to tell you that we won’t be giving you nuclear weapons. See please understand its not a toy, a single weapon is enough to wipe a complete country and if I give you that then I fear that you might ruin and also us in no time. In short you have to manage with just AK-47s, rocket launchers, F-16s, F-18s or as a matter of fact all the available Fs. I don’t think you will take the risk to take the MIGs which the Indian Airforce uses, see I care for your safety.

6. Now events will unfold; the politicians will try to form government, the political struggle and you will be hired to carry out the killings…ah you will love it! Won’t you? Imagine bombs going all over the place, AK-47s sounding everywhere, red red red everywhere. I can imagine your happy faces.

7. I have another request. Please also take away Chennai auto walahs with you or else who will provide you transportation? I hope you will as I am seriously suggesting you based on my experiences of 5 long years here.

I hope you seriously consider my proposal. Hoping to hear from you soon.

Definitely not yours!

To the rest of country men/women (non-politicians & non-fascists)- See my proposal will give you the peace you always longed for. I know first few moths will be turmoil like who will manage you after the politicians left? but I am sure you can find better people to govern you. This experiment, if successful, can pave the way for future handling of people with extreme mentality. I am sure those morons will finish themselves off in few months, then we shall bring in another country and thus we can cleanse this world of politicians and terrorists!

40,000 innocents have lost lives in the terrorist attacks all over the country. Just imagine if they would have been our politicians then India would have been such a beautiful place to live in!

Perhaps sometimes later on the great chennai auto walahs.

GreatBong explores the possibility of Raghavan Datta hand’s in the blast. Go figure out who Raghavan Datta?

[tags]India, Pakistan, Samjhauta express, terrrorism[/tags]

And this how they shall flee West Indies. Practice makes a man perfect and they are just sticking to this adage. There are reports that the Indian cricket team is also carrying 6 such ‘powered boats’ for the world cup in WI so that they can easily escape, via the sea, without attracting too much attention.

The permutation and combination of occupants is currently being hotly debated in team meetings;

1. Dravid and Chappel cannot be on the same boat

2.Ganguly and Chappel should be at least 3 boats apart

3.Sachin prefers company of the old so no new chaps on his boat

4. Sreesanth’s boat might only accommodate 2 because he needs space to dance

5. Sehwag and Uthappa cannot be together because of Sehwag’s jealousy.

Other conditions include

1. Chappel needs a driver for his boat or a system so that he can drive using his laptop. The BCCI seems to have preferred the former because the technology has to come from China and there are reports that the Chinese are planning to get into cricket.

2. The team will come to Andaman and Nicobar Islands and stay there will the dust settles down. TV sets have been removed, no internet connection and no newspaper. The team won’t even know who wins the world cup. This is on the request of psychologist of the team.

[tags]World cup cricket, west indies, indian cricket team, cricket[/tags]

Continuing on this

She was not sure of the entrance so we had to roam around a bit. I am never comfortable with the idea of roaming around with a girl. I was embarrassed to the extreme! I hate the stare the passers by were casting on the moon clad in black who was accompanying me. You she can be described as ‘amawas ki raat me chaand’. I mean she along with her dress.

We finally reached the tomb. Surprisingly and fortuately there were only foreigners, desi all around would have further irked me. We started to walk around the place as it was her first visit as well. I took out my mobile and started clicking.

She: My ancestors were the warriors in the Mughal dynasty. You see we are originally from Dehli. Many don’t realise that Delhi is not the correct translation in English, it should be Dehli.

I: Oh what a pleasant surprise, Siraj-ud-daula was my great great grand father. So its the meeting of 2 royal families. Cool!

Well I couldn’t think of any ruler from Bihar and now i find out that Siraj-ud-daula  was the ruler of Bengal!

She: Our glorious past has been lost or else it would have been the meeting of 2 influential families from different parts of India.

I: And who knows there could have been the merger of two kingdoms. Well for that your father should have first revolted against the Mughals with our help and then we would have been rulers of the big part of India.

Wow. What royal crap are we talking about?

She: So your family was previously in Bengal?

I: No. We always lived in and around Biharshareef. Don’t go by the name, no one is shareef there. I used to love that place..

She interrupted.

She: But Siraj-ud-daula ruled Bengal right?

I: But previously Bihar and Bengal were one state right?

I am usually a quick thinker

She: Oh ok. Damn these colonial rulers. They even divided that!

I: Yeah damn them. Why don’t we sit somewhere? The ground there might be a good palce.

She: Sure

We go and sit in the middle of the ground. The watchman was quick to warn us so as not to litter around. We were now the center of attraction for the watchmen, the men working nearby and the desi crowd. I love the foreigners because they are so open-minded.

She: so tell me something about yourself. Just a casual observation, you are not as smart as your photo is.

What! How rude of her! I should have at least washed my face twice and shouldn’t have got this lalu style harircut.

I: Oh is it? I think that pic was enhanced by some technique. I am not sure as one of my friend gave it to me.

She: ok.

I: So you mean to say that you got an impression of me which is not true and now you want to refuse me?

She: Not that way. I just said that; don’t take it to that extreme.

Playing safe huh? I should have trusted my friends. These Delhi girls

I: ok.

She: I left in a hurry that I couldn’t even have my tea. I cannot live without tea you see. At least 3-4 times a day and now I will have a headache.

I: oh! And I don’t think you will get tea here. BTW I just loathe tea/coffee. I can count on my fingers the occasions I had them!

She: Its not that I cannot live without them but I am somehow addicted to it.

Now she is playing safe

I: So what’s the plan? Where do we go for lunch?

She: We will go to Kareems. It’s near by. It’s near the Nizamuddin Auliya’s grave.

I: What! It’s near the Markaz.

She: Yes. But why are you surprised? You have been to that place?

I: Yes I have been. Anyway no issues.

Now this is torture. I hope no one recognizes me near the Markaz. Well if someone does then I will tell him that she is my sister.

After the chit chat we left for lunch. I was walking fast and ahead of her near the Markaz, desperate to get into the restaurant but alas! The board outside read “Sorry we are closed�. Damn!

I: Get into this alley. Quick! We will talk about our destination later. Call an Auto-wala and tell him to take us away. Fast!

She: ok ok.

We finally started for Nizam’s in CP. I took a heavy breath in relief. Phew that was close!

Anyway we had a nice lunch and after that we left. BTW we did stop over for her coffee. Even I had my coffee for the 15^th or 16^th or might be 17^th time in my life. I cannot talk about the rest of the story

I reached the destination but she was nowhere to be seen. I am used to it now. I think I should get into the habit of getting late. I am just too punctual on every occasion. She came in 15 minutes late and quickly recognized me. So we started off in an auto to the tomb. The auto wala initially asked 80 and to my surprise she suggested 70! I wonder why she was arguing for a petty 10 Rs. Or was she inept at the art of haggling? If that’s the case then I better me careful because I suck when it comes to arguments about price, in most of the cases I won’t mind parting away with the extra 20 or 30 Rs. Or she was sure of the fare and the auto walas in Delhi are not as arrogant as in Chennai. Anyway we started and so did her talks about how great Delhi is.

She: You see this is the real Delhi. Don’t form an opinion about Delhi from your experiences in Sadar Bazaar or the Chandni Chawk.

I: hmm…

While we were crossing a bridge which looked so similar to the Howrah Bridge in Calcutta

She: Argh! I hate this bridge. Just look at the dirty water below. I last came to this place on bike

I interrupted

I: With you ex boyfriend?

She: (red in anger) NO! With my father

I had a huge relief

She continues

She: You know Delhi has been corrupted and polluted by people from your place (Bihar). They come here for temporary work and eventually settle down. 90% of the auto walas are from Bihar. And then there are the Jats. You see we original Delhites have been reduced to a minority.

I: hmm… My friends have always warned me never to fall for a Delhi girl. One of my very good friend was ditched just because her father objected to the boy being from Bihar and not wealthy also. Am I too destined for that fate?

She continues while we were near the Gandhi Samadhi

She: This is the ring road and to your left is the Gandhi Samadhi.

I: I can read

She: We can stop here even. This place is quiet and it would be ideal for us to chit chat. We can even go the nearby Rajiv Samadhi or to the nearby Indra Samadhi.

I was confused and thinking what would Gandhiji would have though if he were alive today…people are dating near his place of burial…kya zabana aa gaya hai

She: are bhahiya yaha side kar ke rok dena. We will get down here only. Fine?

I: yeah fine!

She: arre eek minute…bhahiya yaha se to phir koi auto nahi mile ga

Auto Wala: Nahi..yeh ring road hai

She: chalo phir wahi chalo. You see this is a very busy road. Not some chota-mota road where you can stop anywhere. I am sure you would never have seen such a road.

I: I see. I have never been to such a big place in my life. It’s a lot easier in Chennai. You might be surprised to know that the police there are using US style police cars…damn they give that hi-fi look.

She: (Unaware of my boastings) this is the red fort.

I: But I don’t see anything red here

She: uff!

I: Ah, now I can see

Finally we reached Humayun’s tomb.

I quickly took out the money and handed it over to him…I was trying to impress you see

To be continued…

An interesting set of pictures, on the results of such practice sessions, can be found here Kaho Na Massacre Hain