Society

Rahul Banerjee did not make his millions in the Silicon Valley. In fact, he has never been to the Silicon Valley. He hasn’t made his millions either.

Instead he has written a book- and the book has not found a publisher. So he did not make his millions this way either.

But Rahul Banerjee found a wealth of experience and inner satisfaction of having spent a life among the poorest of the poor in the country. He represents that diminishing tribe of middle- class young men and women fired with an empathy for the downtrodden, forsake what could have been more comfortable lives, to work for, and with what Dostoevsky’s called the ‘insulted and the humiliated’.

Bhupinder points this out.

There are many such IITians who have forsaken the big bucks so as to follow their hearts. I know quiet few of them who have returned to India after PhD, in the US, to work as  social worker. Its not about making big money but its all about doing what you like the best. I must admit that this won’t have been an easy step to take because money does matter and especially if all your classmates are making million dollars an year. But then living life the way it pleases is more important than living lavishly but still suffering from infinite diseases of mind, body and soul. What say?

Well the big question, weather to allow a girl or a boy to marry according to their choice?. The obvious answer is yes as not allowing so is a breach of personal freedom. But then is India ready to embrace this as a widespread phenomenon?

Incidents of eloping is not new to the Indian society and mostly committed to break the shackles of the society on caste, religion and economic grounds. Parents look for a suitable match among their own clan so as to avoid any fraud on the part of other party. They not only look for the same caste/religion (the similarity of which is assumed by default by the way) but also equality on economic grounds. The physical appearance is generally not given the same status as the above mentioned reason. Indian societies are more family oriented rather than being independent couple oriented. Parents expect the prospective bridegroom to continue their family legacy. They expect her to blend with their family tradition which is only possible if those equalities are satisfied. Any disparity in the match might lead to adjustment problems later on.

A love marriage is more independent couple oriented as family to them means just the 2 of them. There is nothing called continuation of family legacy or upholding the status in the society. Love is blind. The hoopla created by bollywood implies that all love stories end in success. Youth is fascinated by these love stories depicted in these movies which weighs love above everyone else. The hero of the movie eventually gets the girl after killing few gundas sent by heroine’s father, dancing around the trees and then eloping with her on the night of marriage, leaving the poor prospective groom to gawk and feel humiliated. No one feels for this humiliation of the parents because they are seen as villains trying to stop a pure/sweet/cute/young/novice couple from coming together. Anyway the story ends right there as future is a guaranteed fairytale. No one bothers about ‘shadi ke baad kya hoga’ (what after marriage?).

I have no problem with couples marrying against their family wishes but I am concerned about the repercussions of this decision, particularly in the Indian society. The court has recently passed judgement on a minor eloping with a guy

If a minor girl runs away with her lover to save herself from the onslaught of her parents opposed to the affair and gets married, she or her spouse cannot be deemed to have committed any offence, the Delhi High Court has said.[HT]

Well the big question is, is the minor matured enough to take this decision in life? These decisions are generally guided by youth passion more than anything else. So the chances that this marriage ends up in divorce is quite high as they will soon realise their differences. Arranged marriages are more resilient as families help cope up differences and plus its a matter of pride for the family that the couple stays together (divorce is seen as evil and humiliating). But then what good does it serve to suppress one’s desire just to save family pride? Adjustment leads to infidelity, which has far reaching consequences on the psyche of a child.

I really cannot answers these question as I am still to marry. But my experience so far tells me that marriage is more a family get-together rather than 2 individuals coming together, in the future obviously.

The Indian society is still to embrace such relationships, particularly when it comes to inter-religion marriage. A recent case in Bhopal brings this harsh reality to light

For Umar and Priyanka, a couple from Bhopal who wanted to get married despite being from different religions, the journey towards nuptial turned out to be a topsy-turvy ride.

With Hindu groups like RSS and the Bajrang Dal staunchly opposed to the idea of the couple getting married and threatening them with dire consequences, Umar and Priyanka had to flee to Mumbai to register a court marriage.[CNN IBN]

The media did a wonderful job in bringing this case up for a national debate. This again exposes the staunch stand of religious extremist on issue of marriage. I am sure that sister organizations, of the RSS/Bajrang Dal, in a Muslim country would have done the same. Why can’t religion be treated as a personal thing? I am totally opposed to religion being imposed by someone simply because it breaches personal independence.

But the big question remains, is our society ready for this phenomenon becoming widespread? I don’t see any immediate acceptance of this. I have seen my friends being forced to marry a family’s choice. Well obviously I am always on the losing side, be it the parents or the rebellious couple.  :neutral:

You invest everything into the relationship in terms of hope, expectations, love, time, money and above all emotions. And if you are finally ditched by your sweetheart then what? You feel cheated, apoplectic and perplexed about future. You wonder how would someone else replace him/her. You are hurt emotionally and once your sweetheart is now your most hated person. You look for opportunities to take your revenge and pray furtively that he/she has a gloomy future ahead. The ambivalence of emotions between hatred and love leave you languished. You find it hard to concentrate on the job at hand and in the end up ruining your career, if you are not emotionally stable. And in extreme cases even suicide.

Imagine a database where you can find history of a person’s track record as far as infidelity is concerned. It will be great, isn’t it? Womansavers.com does exactly this. It has the world’s largest database, of nearly 25,000 men so far, created by concerned women so as to help others not get involved with a fraud. It’s a wonderful initiative to bring cheating men to the notice of other women. Here is a sample report which reveals the reality about a guy called Mike. These reports are submitted by women who have been involved with these men. Any editing in these reports have to be approved by the original author which ensures credibility of these reports. Removal of the report costs $25 which is donated to charity.
In addition to the database it also has-

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The discussion board helps members to discuss issues while maintaining one’s anonymity, which does brings out candor on the part of women. This anonymity is absolutely essential and also a bunch of helpful women who are experienced in relationships. The forum does a great job in bringing a novice face to face with realities of life. She can learn a lot for the experienced bunch. Members can also console an embittered woman by offering emotional support.

Womansavers.com also offers resources to keep track of your husband. Tricks like monitoring phone bills, computer usage and behavioral changes have been exhaustively analyses in this article. The online shopping store offers softwares essential for tracking with other goodies and clothing items. It even has a collection of real stories of infidelity. Emergency support address along with phone numbers is also listed out.

In all a great resource for women to avoid cheating men, Research & Rate B4 U Date!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Kanta ben, in Ahmedabad, lost her only son in the riots. She says that Muslims are not even worth keeping contact with. Firoze, a Muslim, and her son went out together but her son never returned back. Firoze has been absconding since.

Ahmed bhai, in Patna, lost his son few years ago. His son went out with his Hindu friends but was later found burnt to death in a remote location. Since his death the whole family is scared and they are planning to leave India forever.

A little girl, during the Gujarat pogrom, was praying that Amir Khan’s Lagaan shouldn’t win the Oscars as he is a Muslim.

Muslims are accused of supporting Pakistan in sports

Stories like these are so common. The bloody partition left the whole population too prejudiced against each other. Slightest of provocation cause riots. Deep down everyone’s heart lies this hatred towards the other religion. I could think of the following reasons-

1. British government’s deliberate distortion of history to depict Muslim rulers as hate mongers and destroyers of temples.

Eaton argues that British colonial historians were at pains to project the image of Muslim rulers as wholly oppressive and anti-Hindu, in order to present British rule as enlightened and civilized and thereby enlist Hindu support. For this they carefully selected from the earlier Persian chronicles those reports that glorified various Muslim Sultans as destroyers of temples and presented these as proof that Hindus and Muslims could not possibly live peacefully with each other without the presence of the British to rule over them to prevent them from massacring each other. Although some of these reports quoted in British texts were true, many others were simply the figment of the imagination of court chroniclers anxious to present their royal patrons as great champions of Islamic orthodoxy even if in actual fact these rulers were lax Muslims.[Yoginder Sikand]

This formed the basis of hatred towards Muslims. Hindus were already infuriated at being ruled by aliens for hundred of years and this image further added fuel to fire. Divide and Rule police was successful!

2. The bloody partition is still fresh in the minds of Indians. Thousands were killed in the riots that broke out during the partition. Stories of inhuman and barbaric tortures keep the hatred alive.

3. Politicians always wanted to exploit the situation for their advantage. VHP & RSS’s venomous speeches keep the Hindu hatred alive. Muslims, fortunately or unfortunately, still don’t have a political party of caliber of BJP which basically survives on this victimized mentality-

Muslims favour Pakistan and other Islamic countries based on religion, and they do not support India though they live in secular India. This is very obvious when India and Pakistan play cricket.

Muslims have support of underworld/Pakistan. This is visible from the kind of weapons were/are available to Muslims in riots, just look at the way Muslims carried out attack in last 10-15 years.
Attack on Hindus in a train near Godhra cannot be dismissed as attack by mobs, they were hundreds, not 10 or 20, and all were Muslims. If anyone says it was an accident, Gujaratis have nothing more to talk. Hindus and Muslims know well that legal system in India does not work. If one community hopes the system to catch and punish the guilty, nothing will happen and in future, the history will be repeated. The only way for survival is to fight back and attacker will think before attacking again.

4. Pakistan’s support to terrorists in Kashmir. Terrorism is the biggest allegation against Muslims all over the world. The attacks on Hindu temples and other blasts just widens the gap between the two communities. All Muslims are considered sympathizers to terrorists. Speedy judgement in case of a Muslim accused compared to slow, or no, action in case of arrest of Hindus accused of riots strengthens an Indian Muslim’s fear that India is definitely not a safe place to be in. I remember during the Gujarat pogrom a resident of chandi chowk remarked, “We are safe in here at least from the Bajrangis. Indian government can still kill us in air raid”

Indian Muslims are considered traitors. More here

This is a movie ‘Making of a Muslim Terrorist’ which won Best Documentary & Critic’s Choice at the Hong Kong International Film Festival, as well as the Wolfgang Staudte Award & Special Jury Award at the Berlin International Film Festival.

I know there are many other reason but I felt that the above ones are the most important. But the big question still remains unanswered, what’s the solution to this hatred? I request the readers to drop in their views regarding this issue. I thank you all for the support via comments, emails and scraps.