Its just a matter of how long the love lasts

Well the big question, weather to allow a girl or a boy to marry according to their choice?. The obvious answer is yes as not allowing so is a breach of personal freedom. But then is India ready to embrace this as a widespread phenomenon?

Incidents of eloping is not new to the Indian society and mostly committed to break the shackles of the society on caste, religion and economic grounds. Parents look for a suitable match among their own clan so as to avoid any fraud on the part of other party. They not only look for the same caste/religion (the similarity of which is assumed by default by the way) but also equality on economic grounds. The physical appearance is generally not given the same status as the above mentioned reason. Indian societies are more family oriented rather than being independent couple oriented. Parents expect the prospective bridegroom to continue their family legacy. They expect her to blend with their family tradition which is only possible if those equalities are satisfied. Any disparity in the match might lead to adjustment problems later on.

A love marriage is more independent couple oriented as family to them means just the 2 of them. There is nothing called continuation of family legacy or upholding the status in the society. Love is blind. The hoopla created by bollywood implies that all love stories end in success. Youth is fascinated by these love stories depicted in these movies which weighs love above everyone else. The hero of the movie eventually gets the girl after killing few gundas sent by heroine’s father, dancing around the trees and then eloping with her on the night of marriage, leaving the poor prospective groom to gawk and feel humiliated. No one feels for this humiliation of the parents because they are seen as villains trying to stop a pure/sweet/cute/young/novice couple from coming together. Anyway the story ends right there as future is a guaranteed fairytale. No one bothers about ‘shadi ke baad kya hoga’ (what after marriage?).

I have no problem with couples marrying against their family wishes but I am concerned about the repercussions of this decision, particularly in the Indian society. The court has recently passed judgement on a minor eloping with a guy

If a minor girl runs away with her lover to save herself from the onslaught of her parents opposed to the affair and gets married, she or her spouse cannot be deemed to have committed any offence, the Delhi High Court has said.[HT]

Well the big question is, is the minor matured enough to take this decision in life? These decisions are generally guided by youth passion more than anything else. So the chances that this marriage ends up in divorce is quite high as they will soon realise their differences. Arranged marriages are more resilient as families help cope up differences and plus its a matter of pride for the family that the couple stays together (divorce is seen as evil and humiliating). But then what good does it serve to suppress one’s desire just to save family pride? Adjustment leads to infidelity, which has far reaching consequences on the psyche of a child.

I really cannot answers these question as I am still to marry. But my experience so far tells me that marriage is more a family get-together rather than 2 individuals coming together, in the future obviously.

The Indian society is still to embrace such relationships, particularly when it comes to inter-religion marriage. A recent case in Bhopal brings this harsh reality to light

For Umar and Priyanka, a couple from Bhopal who wanted to get married despite being from different religions, the journey towards nuptial turned out to be a topsy-turvy ride.

With Hindu groups like RSS and the Bajrang Dal staunchly opposed to the idea of the couple getting married and threatening them with dire consequences, Umar and Priyanka had to flee to Mumbai to register a court marriage.[CNN IBN]

The media did a wonderful job in bringing this case up for a national debate. This again exposes the staunch stand of religious extremist on issue of marriage. I am sure that sister organizations, of the RSS/Bajrang Dal, in a Muslim country would have done the same. Why can’t religion be treated as a personal thing? I am totally opposed to religion being imposed by someone simply because it breaches personal independence.

But the big question remains, is our society ready for this phenomenon becoming widespread? I don’t see any immediate acceptance of this. I have seen my friends being forced to marry a family’s choice. Well obviously I am always on the losing side, be it the parents or the rebellious couple.  :neutral: