When do I get to play the devil?

There are times in my life when I wonder what to do next. This time I was a silent spectator to atrocities that someone inflicted on someone I loved so much. I was sleeping when the call came. Trembling voice on the other side of the phone broke me the news about the devastating day that just rocked the family. And I reacted the way I always do under such circumstances, passive face with not a word from my mouth.

Calls kept coming throughout the evening with the last message being, “Everything is over!”. I kept the phone down. Something within me was urging me to catch the first flight to Delhi and finish things off the way it all started. But something was also holding me back. This ambivalence of emotions finally led me to a state of unconsciousness or in other words, I slept. Morning brought nothing new for me but yes the eerie dreams did bring some laughter on my face. My ego was hurt. I wished I could embrace that trembling voice on the other side of the phone. I wish I could avenge the ignominious act of betrayal the voice had seen that day. I wish I could go out there and beat the hell out of the person responsible for make the cheerful voice tremble.

Everything was going so smoothly few days ago but suddenly the tide of misfortune has taken something away from me. Once again someone is happy and someone of the other side is embittered. I wonder why me and people I love always have to be on the ‘other side’. Not once but this has happened time and again. The cheerful voice could have remained so. My life could have been normal. The family could carried out its daily chores. But alas! everything fell apart yesterday.

I heard him say, “I have money and power to back me up. I can just walk in and plunder. You can just rant and rant”.

So true, isn’t it? I am ranting now and he might be making merry. Making merry at the cost of pains caused to the family and the trembling voice. I have nothing to fight the mighty politically powerful & rich SOB. Those big families always have all the share of fun. We can just gawk at them. They can manipulate laws, situations and time for their advantage. Should I suffer always because my father is not rich and powerful? Should I suffer every time a rich SOB casts his evil eyes on my happiness? How long is money going to make me suffer? Can’t I have the power on my side? When do I get to play the devil? When do I get to snatch happiness away from an innocent family? When do I get to laugh and mock at someone shedding tears? I really don’t have an answer to these questions.

I know all this frustration will vanish away with time. All these sufferings will become a part of my life, as it always does. But I have decided something inn my life which will perhaps give me an opportunity to play the devil. I have decided to burn midnight lamps to prepare for the Indian Administrative Services. I am serious and highly committed. I don’t think the job can allure me to stick for long because I have suffered enough. I don’t want to be on the ‘other side’ anymore. I promise to the trembling voice to shake the hell out of the person responsible for the hell unleashed yesterday. Not just the person responsible but perhaps the whole family. They might be mocking at us today but then every dog and bitch has his/her day, it might be them today and probably me on some other day. I am dying to play the devil because only a devil can be happy. Only a devil can really enjoy this mean world. Only a devil can get things done. Only a devil doesn’t cry. Only a devil doesn’t have emotions so he is passive to hysterical persuasions or emotional setbacks.

My decision to prepare for IAS hasn’t been in a hassle. I have always dreamt of a job that can give me power. A job where I can be directly involved with the people. A job wherein I can work for the society. I don’t want to play the devil with the society. I want to reserve this for families who have caused pains to my loved ones and especially for this family who made a cheerful voice tremble. It’s high time I take my revenges!